a different kind of home.


WARNING: long, wordy post ahead...bear with me ;)

From June 2006 until June 2009, {cv} resided in the office building on the left. Though he paid rent on an apartment, his office was really the place he called home. Most know that offices are far from cozy, which makes the concept of calling it "home" pretty miserable. His cube was filled to the brim with papers, a football, and one small picture frame of us on the beach {which I gave to him after my one trip to his office when I saw his desk was barren otherwise}. 

Ironically, his new "home" in Providence looks somewhat similar to his old one. {See the jukebox-shaped building on the right?} He has called this office "home" for just under two years. I have only been invited up once--to share Thai take-out on a particularly long weekend stay in the office. In my opinion, it looks exactly the same as his former cube. Some days, I just want to come in there and slather it in a happy yellow, but it probably wouldn't go over so well--but I digress! 

The years of long distance only allowed me small glimpses into this life he led in the cubicle. His blackberry buzzing at 1:00am was my worst nightmare in those days. To his credit, {cv} would do a great job at trying to clear his plate {when he could!} when I would be in town. Sure, there were plenty of occasions where he was absent because of the hours logged in his cube, but I knew he would be there if he could be. It wasn't a choice he was making--it was a choice being made for him.

In an odd way, I am thankful I didn't bear witness {firsthand} to those years he logged at his "home" in North Carolina. I almost think of it as a blessing because our weekends together were an opportunity for him to {try to} step away from the desk which held him hostage seven days a week. Now that we're in the same place, I look back on those years and wonder how I survived without seeing him for a few weeks or months. The irony in that statement is that there are some days I just get a glimpse  of {cv} through shaded eyes when he crawls into bed after a 17-hour day.

I know the tone of this post isn't, how shall we say, complimentary of {cv}'s line of work. Just to be very clear, I love my husband dearly. I admire his drive, his brilliance, and his stick-to-itiveness. He is a problem-solver, an innovator, and, quite possibly, the hardest worker you'll ever meet. I'm forever grateful to call him my own because I know all of these qualities will translate elsewhere in our lives in the years to come. Whenever a baby {v} enters this world, I know that he will be an incredible father and will stop at nothing to provide the best for our family.

So, when {cv} works a long day {or 20}, I find myself thankful for those years we spent apart. At my core, I know the memories of those years help me get through the lonely days we are spending in Rhode Island. Our time here simply makes me look forward to the years when we can try to carve out a more "normal" schedule, because I know he will eventually earn his place further up the corporate ladder.  

There is a strange comfort in discovering the years of long distance were worthwhile. Those years apart certainly prepared us for this period in our lives and I will always be grateful for that. I will always have a love-hate relationship with his "home" at the office. I only recently made the decision to understand why he works so hard--and not to resent him for it. He does it for us--and our future clan of baby {v}'s.

How have your past experiences shaped your present ones? {loaded question--I know!}
What love-hate relationships do you have? 

For those of you who made it to this point in the post, thank you...I can honestly say that blogging has made me feel at home in a place where I know a sum total of maybe 5 people I could call to grab dinner. I count my blessings for each of you :) I'm here for you too! Remember: I have an open line, just for you. Have a great Wednesday--and thanks again for reading! xoxo {av}

P.S. I hope you're pulling together some fabulous Royal Wedding-themed Friday's Fancies! And if the Royal Wedding isn't your thing--don't worry: "normal" Friday's Fancies won't be denied! :) 

32 comments:

  1. i can totally relate to this. manu used to work in our town, a bike ride away, and would come home for lunch and a nap every day. we saw each other so much, even for coffee breaks during the day.
    now he has a new job 40 minutes away and we see each other at night only, when we both have enough energy only to eat and sleep.
    try to cherish the time that you share together on the weekends and remember that the situation is probably not awesome for him either.
    be strong av!!
    xoxo
    marissa

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  2. This sounds like my life and my boyfriends life... we work like crazy people, always have our blackberries on us, answer emails in the middle of lunch on saturday... but it's what makes us happy. We joke we're the perfect power couple since we understand why the other person has to check their Blackberry 1000x's a day!

    Christina

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  3. yet another lovely and inspirational post! you're amazing! :)
    xo! Lauren @ tickled.

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  4. oh my gosh, his former building and his new building have the same window. creeeepy. haha

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  5. love this post! my husband and I have a funny love story... we were friends for 13 years - he was engaged, I was almost engaged and then both relationships ended - fast forward a few months, we were married - to each other [not the exes].

    I love/hate that we know so much about each others past relationships... it's fun to tease and joke and I feel like I have a great understanding of where he's coming from (and vice versa) - there's no hidden baggage bc we told each other everything as friends... but at the same time I hate it sometimes because when we do things I know he did with ex, or vice versa - there's that twinge of awkwardness or silly jealousy, etc.

    I don't know if any of that made any sense but I thought I'd share. :)

    hitaj.blogspot.com

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  6. Oh the work woes... My husband just took a job (7 months ago) across 300 miles away, I came with. He has a huge commute and hates what he does. I have yet to find employment so I blog like there is no tomorrow. I love the fact that he is sacrifice for use, taking a job that pays well so we have a nice little bump in the bank for the rest of our lives but I miss my husband and our life before this move. This too shall pass.

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  7. this is so relateable. my boyfriend works insane hours too trying to carve a path in corporate america. it's incredibly motivating but at times extremely lonely. i know exactly what you are talking about in terms of a "home" at the office. but thank goodness for hardworkers! they deserve a lot of credit.

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  8. I have no idea what 17 hour days are like. I can't imagine. Sometimes I wish I had a job where I felt like someone really needed me and I was important. I'm still longing to find my perfect fit. I guess what I'm trying to do is tie this into your question about past experiences shaping my present ones. I left my corporate job last July because I really wasn't happy. I'm working now, but not a position like I was. My current job isn't the perfect place for me, but I'm trying to use it and my past experiences to weed out what I don't want to do and find the right fit.

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  9. I have a love hate relationship with work. I don't want to quit but I don't want to work! HAHAH!

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  10. My boyfriend is in the military, & he deploys for two months at a time every two month. While people are quick to remind me that "it could be worse" (& it definitely could be), its really difficult to get into a routine of any sort when his schedule is so up & down. For two months, it's all together, all the time; for the next two, I can't talk to him at all, except by email. It's stressful for both of us, but he's used to it - he chose this line of work, he loves it, he's committed to it, he's stuck with it. We haven't been together that long, but now I'm stuck with it, too, & I'm trying to figure out how to make it work...

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  11. pre-deployment for my husband and I was just as miserable than the deployment it self. we would find out only a few days (one time a few hours) before he would have to report for weeks long training. he left 2 days after our honeymoon and in the 6 months before he left I only saw him for 3 weeks on and off. but it helped prepare me for him being gone for a year+ ... it was my baby steps. this deployment would probably be harder for me without that time.

    I think you have a great attitude about everything. love it :)

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  12. Work schedules really suck sometimes. Right now, my husband works nights, and I work regular hours. When I get up in the morning, he's sleeping (and I get dressed in the dark - ha!) and when he gets home at night, I'm sleeping. It really makes us live for the weekends and those two days we actually see each other. I think of it just like you do, that he is working hard now so that when we have a fam, we'll be secure and be able to provide for the little whippersnappers. It's funny, even though I don't see him all week, I start to get complain-y and then remember how strong my best friend (see above! gah, we even comment in unison) is about not seeing her husband for a year+. Really puts it in perspective for me! Her deployment, your post, and my weird schedule make me realize that we all have those times we just have to get through with a good attitude!

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  13. Oh gosh, can I relate to this. My boyfriend used to play major league and minor league baseball the majority of our relationship (to date) and I hated baseball. I still do. The weird sleeping till noon awake till 3am schedule, the eating dinner after the games at 11pm, the weirdo groupies. Needless to say, we're finally in the same city now (same apartment, yay!) and I can't believe I see him everyday.

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  14. My boyfriend and I go back and forth between having a long distance relationship because we met in school but our parents houses are an hour away from one another. It's not that bad of a drive and we're lucky to be at least relatively close to one another but now we're going to be far from one another again seeing as we're both graduating. I'm going to law school and he starts a job and we have no idea how often we'll see one another. This post gives me hope though. I know that we can make it work. :)

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  15. For the first two years after we got married my husband worked 12 hour shifts at night. I worked 9-5 during the day. It basically meant that for the working week we waved hello and goodbye to each other every day. There were times when it was really hard and I wished so much he could get on days. When he finally did it was so great and it really made me appreciate the extra time with him. That's something most people don't get--how valuable time together is. Unless you've had a time where you had to be apart, you don't know how amazing it is to get to be together.

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  16. you already know I can relate. remember there is light at the end of the tunnel :) I'm always up for dinner/lunch/shopping, you name it! I'm thankful to have YOU here..and happy to be one of those five!

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  17. he is pretty fantastic and i think its amazing that he works so hard. and YOU are pretty amazing for supporting him through it. it will be worth it in the end. keep smiling lady! you have a lovely life. xoxo jillian

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  18. Ugh! J is in his last two weeks of law school and while he is busy now I know he will only continue to be busy once he actually starts his career as a lawyer. But like you I try to savor the time we have together because we know all too well what it's like when they are not around at all (or almost not at all) thanks to long distance :)

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  19. Great post - I can totally relate! My husband and I spent 2 years on different coasts while we were engaged: he in California and me in Philadelphia. While it was difficult, it totally has prepared me for his 36 hour work shifts. Plus, it showed me that even if you're in a relationship, you're still YOU! I'm very independent and even though I love my husband, I know I can survive on my own!

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  20. My love-hate relationship is my past. It's not may favorite thing to talk about in the world, but I can't deny the way it helped shape and mold me into a strong woman in the end who knows how to love and allow someone to love her!

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  21. oh my husband works looong hours, too! it gets frustrating sometimes but i try to be flexible. i sometimes have to remind myself that i'd never want to take away from his drive, i've always loved it about him!

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  22. Ms V, you're reading my mind. John's home might be his school, but it doesn't change how tough it is to see him crawling into bed in the middle of the night after practice, classes, lessons and performances. And I often find myself thankful for the year that I spent in SF alone; it equipped me for long evenings making quiet dinners and forced me to make friends so I'd have someone to hang out with on holidays.

    In the end, I think having a sweetheart who's gone a lot can be really difficult, but it's the couples that appreciate all that hard work that are able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Eventually. I hope.

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  23. You should come visit me in Boston! haha! Anytime, you're more than welcome! I know how you're feeling, in a bit of a different sense. My father worked in Europe from when I was 6 until I was 17 and it was so difficult to have him coming and going all the time. And then he started coming back only every other year or so (one time it had been like 3 years!)...so it is hard to want to support someone but also hate the fact that their job takes up so much time. And, now he lives in Florida!

    Stay strong! Lovely post! I truly enjoyed it.

    xoxoxo

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  24. As some of the girls about, my husband is in the military. I've done 7 month deployments and there a times I've gotten just emails for months. Obviously my love-hate relationship is with the military. I love it because my husband loves it and it's his job. But I hate it because it takes him away for days,week, and months at a time to places I wouldn't even want to imagine. My husband and I got to Providence all the time, we love it!

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  25. i definitely have a love-hate relationship with the army. my husband is deployed in iraq right now and that's where the hate plays out. but the love part is how close we have become through all of this, the army fully takes care of me and i'm so proud of my husband. so without going into too much detail and leaving you a novel that's my simple love-hate version of the army! :)

    like you and your husband, i'm sure this distance now will prepare us for something in the future! we know that we can make it through anything now.

    great post :)

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  26. I hear you sweetie! I'm in a LDR with a wonderful guy who works all the time - I've come to cherish the weekends we spend together because they are always so full. He's moving here (woo!) and I'm over the moon, don't get me wrong, but I will certainly miss those little weekends where we never turn on the tv, spend all our time together and are just elated with each other's presence. You can do this phase, I'm sure of it :)

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  27. lovely post. I enjoyed reading it.

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  28. this is a lovely post! My fiancee(!!) and I met and for the first two years of our relationship we lived apart. Now I can't imagine not seeing him for some long!

    C's job sounds stressful for you both, I'm glad you have blogging friends to talk to, aren't they wonderful?!

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  29. Ugh I know about those long office hours! In Dublin it was me who was glued to my office and my husband (then boyfriend) had to deal with it and now in France it's me at home waiting for him to get back home from his 12 hour days! It's like, give it a break already! Are we ready to retire yet?

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  30. Ohhhhh do I understand the love-hate relationship. I feel the EXACT same way about the amount of hours, phone calls, on-call nights and interrupted weekends, dinners, etc. that seem to come into play each week into my life with my Chris too. Learning how to move from resentment to understanding is a constant battle and I fear I am still more on the former than latter side of things. But it does get better and you're right in that long distance prepares you much better for this type of life than anything else. I know those feelings of loneliness are hard, especially since you and I respectively gave up our beloved corners of the country to support our respect significant others... but it IS nice to feel the support from fellow bloggers and those few good friends you manage to find no matter where you go. Hang in there! You rock!
    Annnnnd I am soo so pumped for the Royal Wedding as well. I have scones and mimosas ready for 4 am. Not even kidding :)

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  31. Hectic work schedules are SO hard... Jurgen also frequently works until 2am or so and by that time I'm in bed and then were both up and off to work the next morning. I'm really glad that someone else has gone through and is going through this. It's really motivating to hear that you've come to terms with it too... because I'm still working on it. Sometimes it's so frustrating... but you're right, it is for us and it will translate to other parts of our lives later :)

    Thanks av!

    xoxo
    Jenna

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